I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
