so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He passed out mid-signature
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
