honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
one two three fourrrrnication!
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
