Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
