I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize