Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
