You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
