I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
