She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize