i just wanna soil my oats bro
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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