It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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