I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
