walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm sobbing to NWA
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
