Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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