On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
