well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
