Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
