I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
