3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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