I need to stop coming to work sober
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
