I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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