): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Pants are for mortals
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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