I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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