If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
