No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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