You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
