You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
