I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
