I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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