Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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