You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
if i died would you start the facebook group?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
