We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
