The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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