he thought i was a dude.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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