I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Randomize
