I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
