Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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