No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize