the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
