the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
