There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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