We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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