I'm so fucking centered right now
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
