My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I can't trust your balls anymore.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
