he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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