i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
