If i come over, it means nothing
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
