party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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