yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
