He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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