Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
