so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
