I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
