Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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