I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
