She is in my trunk
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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