I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
