Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
