He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
