My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize