I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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