I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
