is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
