So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
