John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
