my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
