shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
