i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
