I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
