I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
