everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
